OTHER WAYS TO USE THE THANKSGIVING TURKEY
Last Updated on Tuesday, 30 November 1999 00:00
* As a blunt object to fend off your pesky cousins with.
* As a projectile to throw at the TV after Kathie Lee says, "Aren't they a wonderful band!" for the 25th time.
* As a hood ornament.
* As a disguise so your ugly Aunt Harriet can't kiss you and say, "How much you've grown!"
* As a football for the after-meal game.
* One word... bowling!
* Fill it with whip cream - watch the fun.
* An unexplored cavern for the new Barbie.
* A visual aid to explain to children where babies come from.
* Bury in the yard; for future midnight snacks.
* If you're flying home, take the carcass as a carry-on. See what it looks like in the X-ray machine. Better yet, put it in a pet carrier and asked the flight attendant for some chicken feed.
* As yet another object to drop from the top of the dorm to test the range of the splatter upon impact.
* As a gift/bribe for a professor.
* As a Christmas gift (avoid the holiday crowds this way!)
* As a doorstop to keep your relatives out.
* Makes a great doggie chew toy.
* Wear as a helmet, declaring, "I'm TURKEYMAN!"
* Before serving, paste feathers on the poor naked creature.
* Secretly replace with Folgers turkey crystals.
* Place a speaker inside the bird, and from another room, amaze your guests with this talking fowl!
* Throw the turkey out the window yelling, "You're FREE! Fly! FLY!"
* Two words: Turkey puppet.
* Toss the carcass into a turkey farm to intimidate next year's stock.
* Attach to a fishing pole, slowly drive around the neighborhood in the back of a pickup and see how many dogs follow you.
* From a concealed location, toss in front of a passing car. When they stop, run out screaming that they hit your dog!
* As in an old murder mystery, question all the dinner guests in an attempt to discover who killed the guest of honor.