REASONS YOU WON'T WIN THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST

Last Updated on Tuesday, 30 November 1999 00:00

Jokes - Holiday jokes

- The Bride of Frankenstein had big, pointy hair and a small, round ass not the other way around.

- 'Cause you should know that wearing a white sheet in Atlanta could only lead to getting your ass whupped, Homeboy.

- Your "Naked Linda Tripp" costume is actually more nauseating than scary.

- Your "Yanni" costume got you beat up on the way to the party, four times.

- Your Dirk Diggler costume is merely embarrassing now that your "Diggler" is stuck in the car door.

- Your beret falls off every time you kneel.

- Yellow Homer Simpson makeup? Check. Can of Homer Simpson "Duff Beer?" Check. Homer Simpson pants? DOH!!!!

- No one can tell whether you came as Abe Vigoda or Marge Schott.

- This year's guest judge, Elizabeth Dole, has apparently never even *heard* of Marilyn Manson.

- Much to your surprise, three other people came dressed as Nikola Tesla, father of alternating current.

- The judges wrongly interpreted your "Liposuction By-product" costume as a "Bowl of Tapioca Pudding" costume.

- The only song you knew to go with the costume was "Mammy," and the judges at the NAACP party were not impressed.

- *Nobody* likes a farting clown.