SIGNS SANTA DOESN'T LIKE YOUR KID
Last Updated on Tuesday, 30 November 1999 00:00
* Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped, "Dream on, Chester!"
* Kid asks for new bike, gets a pack of smokes.
* Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling.
*By the time he gets to your house, all he has left are Styrofoam peanuts.
* Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer head in his bed.
* Instead of "Naughty" or "Nice", Santa has him on the dork list.
* Sends him off on a Carnival Cruise with Kathie Lee.
* First words when kid gets on his lap are, "Touch my beard and I'll put the hurt on you."
* Labels on all your kid's toys read, "Straight from Craptown."
* Four words: "Off my lap, Tubby!"