SANTA'S WOES
Last Updated on Tuesday, 30 November 1999 00:00
You think you got it bad? All night long I deal with soot in the chimneys, smelly socks, cross dogs, getting shot at, mistaken for a stork, driving all night in the snow - damn near got killed by a 747. Mrs. Clause is pissed off cause I got in so late.
Donner and Blitzen and Rudolph got the shits over Albuquerque and you should see my suit. The damn elves won't clean the sleigh unless I pay them double time.
I'm so sick of cookies and milk, I could vomit. The only highball I had all night was when I slipped getting out of my sleigh.
My prostate is giving me hell. I peed my pants at 20,000 feet and froze my ass to the seat. I'm allergic to pine needles. I itch all over and I think my hemorrhoids are back.
HO! HO! HO! A very MERRY CHRISTMAS, my ass!
Santa